This is one of the hardest posts that I have ever had to write, in fact it has taken me a good few attempts to even try and write it. Some of you may even wonder why I am putting myself through writing it, but for me I just need to chat and want to explain my absense/express how I am feeling etc. and I always feel that there is no better place than my blog.
A few weeks ago, my beloved nan passed away.
Even though we knew the end was coming, nobody could prepare for the absolute heartbreak that would be left behind. I visited my nan on the Saturday before my birthday and never in a million years dreamed it would be the last time that I would ever see her. The next day, she fell and broke her hip and after catching pneumonia just after a week later she was gone. It still seems so unreal.
I know as you get older people come and go, but there is a sense with grandparents that they will be around forever. I was always so close to my nan. Numerous attempts at trying to teach me how to knit (we got there in the end!) to having an 11o'clock cup of milky coffee and Rich Tea biscuits religiously. My nan was a huge part of my life. After having a stroke in March last year, she started to suffer from dementia but fortunately never forgot any of the family. In a way we lost part of nan then, her shell was there and every now and then you would catch a glimpse but never for more than a few treasured moments.
Lately I have been struggling to focus, even the smallest thing set me off. Everyday things like writing a blog post or getting ready in the morning, I started to think..whats the point?! Luckily everybody around me has been so understanding, not that I expected anything less and after a few weeks slowly but surely things are becoming a little easier.
My friends, family and Lewis have been the absolute best and there is nothing like the sense of unity that happens within a family when something like this happens, even though it is a shame that sometimes it does take a tragedy for people to really come together.
Luckily I have a few things to look forward to, which I know will help me through. I have a few theatre trips planned with my mum and in 2 weeks I go on holiday. I don't think I have ever needed a break so much in my life. I know that my nan would have hated all of this sadness, so I know we will all get through this, especially for my nan.
I know I may flit in and out of the blog for the next few weeks, but just want to thank you all for being so patient. ♥